It's surreal (to say the least) that the last time I entered a blog post I was an owner of not one, but two, amazing dogs and was just 4 months shy from giving birth to our very first (human) baby.
Owning two dogs was incredible, in fact, I loved it. Of course walking two dogs, one that's highly leash reactive, and the other, lover of poop and head strong, had it's challenging moments but at the end of the day laying on the sofa with two loving pit bulls curled up on each side was enough thanks I needed.
It's still hard to talk about it and at times I get defensive and sometimes even a little guilty, thinking I could have, should have, done more to save Buster Brown. Mostly though, I have those days where I know deep down in my heart hole that we did what was right.
Behaviorally, Buster Brown was changing. I can't remember when it actually started to get noticeably problematic, but I'll never forget the first time he bit someone. At that moment, albeit numerous conversations with our professional dog trainer and other professional dog behaviorists, behavior modification, management at all times in the house, I knew that things would never be the same and that soon I would be that girl that went from having two dogs to one.
Telling people about it was the most challenging part for me. I had weeks to process what, in my gut, I knew was imminent but the idea of telling friends and family that our (former) happy-go-lucky head strong, poop lover, couch potato, bone crusher, lick monster was getting put down for multiple bite incidents and other aggressive behaviors, was just heart breaking to me.
But I'm at a different point in my life now. After mourning our loss, searching through all of our pictures and videos, reliving heartfelt moments, reliving our training sessions, our long walks, and all the challenging times in between, I realized there was nothing I could do but be grateful that Buster Brown was a part of our family for an entire 15 months. He brought so much joy to our lives, so many laughs, so, so, so many licks, that, after 7 months since his passing, I can finally accept that I'm not the girl with two dogs.
That one dog, #kanedog, has allowed me to find myself again. We have grown together as a team, realizing that neither of us are perfect, but that together, we can compliment each other's flaws. After losing a dog you begin to realize that the ones who can be saved through training, consistency, exercise, routine and honesty are truly a remarkable gift.
Here's to countless walks in the city and lots of inspiration to do more than just dog walking (which we always intended to do anyway!). As my brother Michael said recently, onward!